GOLD DUST
FIRST PART
Translated and abridged from French by E. L. E. B. Edited by CHARLOTTE M. YONGE
XXXVIII
My Daily Cross
If I have no cross to bear to-day, I shall not advance heavenwards.
A cross (that is, anything that disturbs our peace) is the spur which stimulates, and without which we should most likely remain stationary, blinded with empty vanities, and sinking deeper into sin.
A cross helps us onwards, in spite of our apathy and resistance.
To lie quietly on a bed of down may seem a very sweet existence, but pleasant ease and rest are not the lot of a Christian; if he would mount higher and higher, it must be by a rough road.
Alas, for those who have no daily cross!
Alas, for those who repine and fret against it!
What Will Be My Cross To-day?
Perhaps that person, with whom Providence has placed me, and whom I dislike, whose look of disdain humiliates me, whose slowness worries me, who makes me jealous by being more beloved, more successful, than myself, whose chatter and light-heartedness, even her very attentions to myself, annoy me.
Or it may be that person that I think has quarrelled with me, and my imagination makes me fancy myself watched, criticised, turned into ridicule.
She is always with me; all my efforts to separate are frustrated; by some mysterious power she is always present, always near.
This is my heaviest cross; the rest are light in comparison.
Circumstances change, temptations diminish, troubles lessen; but those people who trouble or offend us are an ever-present source of irritation.
How to Bear This Daily Cross
Never manifest, in any way, the ennui, the dislike, the involuntary shudder, that her presence produces; force myself to render her some little service—never mind if she never knows it; it is between God and myself. Try to say a little good of her every day, of her talents, her character, her tact, for there is all that to be found in her. Pray earnestly for her, even asking God to help me to love her, and to spare her to me.
Dear companion! blessed messenger of God's mercy! you are, without knowing it, the means for my sanctification, and I will not be ungrateful.
Yes! though the exterior be rude and repellent, yet to you I owe it that I am kept from greater sin; you, against whom my whole nature rebels ... how I ought to love you!