Unforgiveness is one of the most destructive forces revealed in Scripture. It begins with a real wound—betrayal, injustice, humiliation, abuse, or violence. The Bible never denies the seriousness of offense. Yet it consistently shows that when anger is nursed instead of surrendered to God, it produces consequences far worse than the original wrong (Ephesians 4:26-27; Romans 12:19).
Who did not forgive in the Bible?
From Genesis to the Gospels, we see a pattern in unforgiveness: a real offense occurs, the offended party refuses to release the matter to God, revenge or punitive action follows, the consequences multiply beyond the original harm. The following biblical accounts illustrate this sobering truth.
Joab against Abner
There was a civil war between the house of Saul, led by Abner, and the house of David, led by Joab, and they had a fierce battle in Gideon. The house of Saul lost the battle, and while Abner fled in his chariot, Asahel the brother of Joab, chased him. Though Abner warned Asahel to stop, he did not listen. So Abner thrust the butt of his spear into Asahel’s stomach, and the spear came out through his back. Asahel fell and died (2 Samuel 2:18-23). Joab’s heart was deeply wounded and he could not forgive Abner but bore a deep grudge against him.
Later, Abner and his men defected from the house of Saul and came to Hebron to make peace with David. David welcomed them and sent them away peacefully when they were done. When Joab learned of this, he was furious that David spared Abner’s life. Then, unbeknownst to David, Joab sent messengers to call Abner back to Hebron, and he took him aside into an inner chamber, as if to speak with him privately. There, to avenge the blood of his brother Asahel, Joab stabbed Abner in the stomach, and he died. (2 Samuel 3:26-27)
David publicly dissociated himself from Joab’s crime and pronounced judgment upon Joab’s household (2 Samuel 3:28-29). Years later, Solomon executed Joab for his violent deeds (1 Kings 2:5-6, 28-34). Joab’s revenge did not restore his brother; it only secured his own downfall.
Absalom against Amnon
David bore many sons and daughters with his wives. Amnon and Absalom were two of them yet one killed the other. The offense committed by Amnon was grievous: he pretended to be sick and when his sister Tamar came to prepare food for him, he seized her and raped her. David was furious but failed to administer justice against Amnon. Tamar and Absalom were of the same mother (2 Samuel 13:21). However, Absalom, though he consoled his sister, did nothing more, pretending to have forgiven. But in his heart, he was full of hatred for Amnon, and instead of seeking lawful redress, he planned revenge.
Two years after the rape, Absalom organized a feast and invited his brothers. There, he had Amnon assassinated by ordering his servants to kill him (2 Samuel 13:28-29) when he got drunk. Absalom fled into exile. Later, unresolved bitterness hardened his heart further, ultimately leading him to rebel against his father, King David (2 Samuel 15:1-12). The rebellion ended in Absalom’s violent death (2 Samuel 18:14-15). A private wound became a national crisis.
Lamech against two men
In the early chapters of Genesis, Lamech, son of Methushael, stands as a chilling example of revenge. He was one of the descendants of Cain and the first polygamist in the Bible (Genesis 4:19). He claimed that a man wounded him, and a young man injured him. Instead of seeking reconciliation, he killed them and boasted to his wives Adah and Zillah: “If Cain is avenged seven times, then Lamech seventy-seven times” (Genesis 4:23-24).
We see that Lamech upheld unforgiveness and revenge in his way of life, and the pride he expressed about his evil actions reflects a culture that glorified retaliation and celebrated violence. His deeds contributed to the moral corruption that eventually led to the Flood (Genesis 6:5, 11).
Noah and Ham
Sometime after the flood, Noah planted a vineyard and had a good harvest from it. He made wine from the fruits of the garden and drank it. One particular day, he drank heavily and became drunk, lying uncovered in his tent (Genesis 9:20-21). His son Ham came in to find him naked, and instead of covering him, he dishonored him by going out to tell his other brothers, Shem and Japheth. The two brothers came to cover their father’s nakedness (Genesis 9:22-23).
When Noah awoke and learned what his youngest son Ham had done, he was offended and could not forgive him, and he pronounced a curse—not directly on Ham but on Ham’s son Canaan (Genesis 9:24-25). The curse shaped future relations between Israel and the Canaanites. A moment of dishonor carried generational ramifications.
Simeon and Levi against Shechem
In the land of Canaan, Jacob made his camp near the city of Shechem. One day, Jacob’s daughter Dinah went out from the camp to visit the women of the land. When Shechem son of Hamor, the ruler of that area, saw her, he took her and raped her. Then he asked his father to help him marry her. When Jacob’s sons heard of it, they were furious with Shechem. Even though Shechem truly love Dinah and wanted to marry her, they could not forgive him for what he had done. When Shechem’s father came to make marriage arrangements, Jacob’s sons replied deceitfully that they could not give their sister in marriage unless Shechem and the men of his city were circumcised (Genesis 34:13-17).
Hamor and his son Shechem agreed. They themselves and all the men of their city were circumcised. Three days later, while the wound of the circumcision was painful and they were too weak to fight, two of Jacob’s sons, Simeon and Levi took their swords and attacked the unsuspecting city, killing every male, including Hamor and Shechem, and took Dinah from Shechem’s house and left (Genesis 34:25-26). Jacob rebuked them for endangering the family (Genesis 34:30). On his deathbed, he declared their anger cruel and foretold that their tribes would be scattered in Israel (Genesis 49:5-7).
Saul and the Priests of Nob
In the days when David was hunted by King Saul, he came to the priest Ahimelek at Nob. ThereAhimelek inquired of the Lord for him; and he gave him provisions, and the sword of Goliath the Philistine (1 Samuel 21:1-9). Saul hated David to the extent that he could not bear with anyone who helped David. Such a person automatically became a treasonous enemy.
When Saul heard that Ahimelek had been kind to David, he sent for him and all the men of his family– they were 84 priests. Though Ahimelech had done Saul no harm, Saul could not forgive him for helping David. He interpreted his kindness to David as a conspiracy against him. Then he had him and his household killed right there (1 Samuel 22:16-18). Saul proceeded to attack the town of Nob, killing its men, women, children, infants, and livestock. Consequently, Innocent blood stained Saul’s reign. His spiritual decline deepened, and his kingdom eventually collapsed (1 Samuel 31).
Herod Antipas and Herodias against John the Baptist
During the time of Jesus, a story unfolded between a prophet and two evil people – Herod Antipas and Herodias. Herodias was the lawful wife of Philip the Tetrarch. But she left her husband and was having an affair with Herod Antipas, the ruler of Galilee. John the Baptist saw it, and he rebuked them for this adultery (Mark 6:17-18). Had these two been wise and God-fearing, they would have repented and obtained God’s mercy and forgiveness. However, they were bent on doing evil to the extent that they took offense at John and could not forgive him for speaking against their relationship.
First, they had John arrested and imprisoned. Later, at Herod’s birthday banquet, Herodias’ daughter pleased Herod and his guests with her dance. Herod rashly promised her whatever she asked (Mark 6:21-23). Prompted by her mother, she requested John’s head. Herod complied and had John the Baptist beheaded in prison, and his head was brought on a platter and given to the girl, and she took it to Herodias, her mother (Mark 6:24-28). Later, Herod was tormented by guilt, fearing that Jesus was John resurrected (Mark 6:16).
The Unforgiving Servant
When Jesus was preaching about forgiveness in Matthew 18, He told a parable that the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he, his wife, his children, and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this, the servant fell on his knees before him and begged. The master took pity on him, forgave him, canceled the debt, and let him go (Matthew 18:23-27).
But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him, demanding that he pay back his debt. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him. But he refused to forgive. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt (Matthew 18:28-30). Someone saw what had happened and reported it to the master. When the king heard of it, he withdrew his mercy and handed the unforgiving servant over to be punished. Jesus concluded with a solemn warning: “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart” (Matthew 18:34-35).