A Recipe for Never Annoying Our Friends

This was made by one who had suffered much for many years from numberless little worries, occasioned by a relative, whose affection no doubt was sincere and devoted, but also too ardent, and wanting in discretion.

There must be moderation in all things, even in the love we manifest, the care we take to shield them from trouble.

This recipe consists of but four simple rules, very clear, very precise. Behold them:—

1. Always leave my friend something more to desire of me. If he asks me to go and see him three times, I go but twice. He will look forward to my coming a third time, and when I go, receive me the more cordially.

It is so sweet to feel we are needed, and so hard to be thought importunate.

2. Be useful to my friend as far as he permits, and no farther.

An over-anxious affection becomes tiresome, and a multiplicity of beautiful sentiments makes them almost insupportable.

Devotion to a friend does not consist in doing everything for him, but simply that which is agreeable and of service to him, and let it only be revealed to him by accident.

We all love freedom, and cling tenaciously to our little fancies; we do not like others to arrange what we have purposely left in disorder; we even resent their over-anxiety and care for us.

3. Be much occupied with my own affairs, and little, very little, with those of my friend.

This infallibly leads to a favorable result. To begin with, in occupying myself with my own affairs, I shall the more speedily accomplish them, while my friend is doing the same.

If he appeals to me for help, I will go through fire and water to serve him, but if not, then I do both myself and him the greater service by abstaining. If, however, I can serve him without his knowledge of it, and I can see his need, then I must be always ready to do it.

4. Leave my friend always at liberty to think and act for himself in matters of little importance. Why compel him to think and act with me? Am I the type of all that is beautiful and right? Is it not absurd to think that because another acts and thinks differently to myself, he must needs be wrong? No doubt I may not always say, "You are right," but I can at any rate let him think it.

Try this recipe of mine, and I can answer for it your friendship will be lasting.